Introducing ‘The Food Bitch’…
Dear
restaurant owners and chefs,
I love
eating out in restaurants, but… there are just a few things that really burn my
toast.
Cheap
pepper grinders
They don’t
work anymore. They did work once, but not anymore. The teeth of the grinder are
not made from titanium, but plastic, which gets blunt.
Pouring in
pre-ground pepper is not a solution to the blunt teeth either, as pepper ground
last year has the flavour of dry tree bark. Putting that same bark-flavoured
pepper in a ramekin is even worse and superbly unhygienic.
As a pepper
lover I beg you to please replace the ones you have (or buy real grinders), as
I get annoyed having to ask the table next to me if I can borrow their pepper
grinder – only for that piece of junk not to work either.
Salt…?
Moi? Us?
Yes you, you
stingy cost-cutting manager. The cheap salt that you get from your food
supplier is exactly the same as the soapy, sticky bile that you put in your dishwasher –
packaged differently I concede.
It is truly
revolting and ruins the taste of your food. Go and check your salt grinders,
and if it contains those moist square blocks of salt then it is the cheap junk
that not even a horse would lick.
Go put it
in your dishwasher and then order some Maldon. Please. Thanks.
Soy
Sauce
Yes, we
know that once upon a time (the day you opened) you splashed out on
Kikkoman – but now you just decant that salty flavoured brown water into the
bottles .
Stop it –
it is not funny. Engage your
brains chefs, we pour this on your sushi, so if it is rubbish, then your sushi
tastes rubbish. The same
applies to your cheap luminous ginger and dry wasabi.
I eagerly
await your excuses and comments.