I attended the Joburg Good Food & Wine Show on behalf of Food24 over the weekend and although I tried and I tried to squeeze in a chat with the big fish Adam Liaw,
the Masterchef winner is understandably a very busy man and it
simply wasn’t worth boxing through the swarm of media-types in their
dangerous heels, to get a few words in.
When you’re competing
for interview time with journalistic greats from legendary publications
such as Heat Magazine, it’s far less intimidating watching from the
sidelines as the periodical vultures pick at the reality star’s every
word, while you sit with a funky cocktail you’ve never heard of, wishing
you’d worn a pair of heels.
But IF I had interviewed Adam Liaw, I’m almost positive it would have mirrored the following:
SON: Hi Adam, or should I say konnichi wa?
ADAM: What?
SON: It’s hello in Japanese.
ADAM: I know what it means, I lived in Japan for like five years. (Pause) I’m not Japanese, you do know that?
SON: (Disappointed) Oh. Then what are you?
ADAM: Australian.
SON: But… you’re… not Australian looking.
ADAM:
My dad’s Chinese born in Malaysia and my mom’s English born in
Singapore according to Wikipedia. What does this have to do with
anything? Can we get this interview done please, there are some woman in
really high heels that want to ask me some relevant questions about
cooking and Masterchef and my book.
SON: Ok, ok. I was just trying to make you feel at home. So, you have a book. What is it about?
ADAM: Cooking.
SON: Thriller…? Or…
ADAM: It’s a cookbook. It’s called Two Asian Kitchens.
SON: So like a kung fu Romeo & Juliet set in the sordid world of Chinese take away?
ADAM: (Lost for words)
SON:
Next question. Is there a team of high school girls that write the
judges’s pun-filled links? Like when you’re cooking steak and Matt says
“The steaks are high, who’s going to survive the grilling, meat the
challenge, shake their rump and come out with a rare ‘well done’ from
the judging panel?”
ADAM: Pass.
SON: Ok,
well it’s been really good catching up with you Adam Liaw, enjoy your
stay in South Africa, enjoy The Good Food And Wine Show and if they make
a movie of your book I hope you are played by Jackie Chan. Arigato.
ADAM: I’M NOT JAPANESE!
Next… Gordon Ramsay…
Obviously
I wasn’t allowed within a twenty-metre radius of the Dark Lord of
Gastronomy, Mr Gordon Ramsay (who wasn’t even at the media launch for
fear of him eating the editor of Taste Magazine) but I’m pretty sure our
interview would have gone a little something like this:
(BEWARE THIS INTERVIEW CONTAINS BAD LANGUAGE!)
SON: Hi there Gordon Ramsay I was just…
GORDON: F*ck off.
SON: Pardon? I thought you said… Nevermind. So… I was wondering if you’d mind signing this for my…
GORDON: F*ck you d*ck bag.
SON: (Laughing) Good one.
GORDON: You’re a d*mb f*cking c*nty b*llsack. Get out of my f*cking kitchen.
SON: Love your show!
Adam Liaw and Gordon Ramsay weren’t interviewed by Like Father Like Son.