The setting
As a Capetonian, I spend many a day in Jo’burg in search of my parents and views. The search for my parents is futile since they refuse to leave Cape Town but my view search is still in full force and I’m happy to say I found the ultimate one. Say ‘Oooh hellloooooo’ (insert over-the-top bow here) to the Westcliff’s Polo Bar. I have always been a fan of men in uniform. Especially men in uniform who greet me with a ‘Good afternoon ma’am’ and then tip their hat.
Think Grace Kelly and Clark Gable. I was wearing an ‘I love Southpark’ t-shirt so perhaps not typical Grace Kelly attire but I couldn’t help saying things like ‘Whatever you do you mean?’ and ‘One might wander whether…’. When my colleague eventually asked me to shutup, I started quoting Shakespeare until she threatened to suffocate me with my own beautifully crisp, laid-on-my-lap serviette.
The food
Think elegant, think old school, think colonial, but don’t think portions the size of your index finger nail. Think portions like mom used to serve when you were still playing loads of sports.
Starter tapas of grilled haloumi, beef satay with dipping sauce, perfectly-prepared ostrich spring rolls will give you at least an hour before you even think about ordering mains. Well I thought about it for an hour and then factored in the weather. Since it was a typical Jo’burg day, filled with thunderous clouds, humidity that could give Durban a good go, I went with something light [insert sarcasm here], something that wouldn’t interfere with my dinner plans. So I went with the Westcliff Club sandwich. Four triangles of absolute pleasure with a side salad and potato wedges. Coupled with a perfectly chilled bottle of Haute Cabrière Pinot Noir, I was in what I like to call Restaurant Heaven.
Price range
Don’t be scared of 5-star hotels. They’re not scared of you. Consider the all round Westcliff experience: A chauffeur-driven car from your vehicle to the venue; a waiter of such skill that if you asked him to do the Can-Can and then a rendition of Macbeth, while serving you, he would put Broadway to shame; a spectacular view of Johannesburg making it an altogether five star experience. And for this the starters range from R50 to R90 with mains ranging from R65 to R125? ShutUP your face.
Perfect for
Spoiling yourself. Or a loved one. Or impressing the crap out of a friend from Cape Town.
The Polo Bar was reviewed by Baglett. Read her tea-snortingly funny blog here.