20 New Year’s resolutions for restaurant patrons in 2013.
1. I will arrive on time for my reservation, and if I am running late I will phone ahead and let the restaurant know.
2. I will not walk into a restaurant and ignore the staff member greeting me as if they are menial décor.
3. I will not enter a restaurant jabbering on my cell phone.
4. I will not talk (loudly) on my cell phone when at my table pissing off my own guests and all those around me.
5. I will listen attentively when the waitron introduces specials so that I do not have to ask them to repeat the exercise in five minutes time.
6. I will not snap my fingers to get the attention of serving staff.
7. I will not ask for a tissue, blow my nose loudly and present it back to the waitron. I will get off my arse and go to the toilet for that.
8. I will not complain about the prices on the menu, but rather choose a wine (or restaurant) within my budget.
9. I will order from the menu and not attempt to make up my own dishes from the various garnishes available on the menu.
10. I would have made up my mind (and made sure all at the table have too) as to what I want to order before asking the waitron to come and take our order.
11. I will not complain that the crème bruleé is cold or that the salad Niçoise contains tuna. They are supposed to be like that.
12. If I have a complaint about my food I will immediately bring it to the attention of the manager and not leave silently to vent on social media.
13. I will not leer at or make any lewd or inappropriate comments to (sexy) waitrons.
14. I will never stick gum under the table ever. Never ever.
15. I will not get drunk and garish and loud and spoil the evenings of other diners about me.
16. I will never ask the waitron/manager their opinion on the bigoted conversation going on at my table.
17. I will steer clear of bigoted conversations in public places like restaurants.
18. I will tip the person who served me appropriately.
19. I will not tell the owner/manager/chef what I would have done if I were them.
20. I will not sit until all hours fondling the only other single person at my party while the staff sit up waiting for us.
Happy New Year, and please add any more resolutions for responsible eating out below in the comments!
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