The Food Bitch - Restaurant condiments

The Food Bitch gives restaurateurs a grilling about shoddy condiments.

25 Apr 2012
food bitch

Introducing 'The Food Bitch'...

Dear restaurant owners and chefs,

I love eating out in restaurants, but... there are just a few things that really burn my toast.

Cheap pepper grinders
They don’t work anymore. They did work once, but not anymore. The teeth of the grinder are not made from titanium, but plastic, which gets blunt.

Pouring in pre-ground pepper is not a solution to the blunt teeth either, as pepper ground last year has the flavour of dry tree bark. Putting that same bark-flavoured pepper in a ramekin is even worse and superbly unhygienic.

As a pepper lover I beg you to please replace the ones you have (or buy real grinders), as I get annoyed having to ask the table next to me if I can borrow their pepper grinder – only for that piece of junk not to work either.

Moi? Us?

Yes you, you stingy cost-cutting manager. The cheap salt that you get from your food supplier is exactly the same as the soapy, sticky bile that you put in your dishwasher – packaged differently I concede.

It is truly revolting and ruins the taste of your food. Go and check your salt grinders, and if it contains those moist square blocks of salt then it is the cheap junk that not even a horse would lick.

Go put it in your dishwasher and then order some Maldon. Please. Thanks.

Soy Sauce
Yes, we know that once upon a time (the day you opened) you splashed out on Kikkoman – but now you just decant that salty flavoured brown water into the bottles .

Stop it – it is not funny. Engage your brains chefs, we pour this on your sushi, so if it is rubbish, then your sushi tastes rubbish. The same applies to your cheap luminous ginger and dry wasabi.

I eagerly await your excuses and comments.

- The Food Bitch

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