A week ago I was sitting with some friends at The Fabulous Moroccan Restaurant in Cape Town, waiting patiently for one, no two-and-a-half hours, for our food. When one waits for two-and-a-half hours for food, one tends to start fantasising about food, especially if you last ate six hours ago.
Instead of conjuring up images of gourmet meals or fat juicy hamburgers we started talking about those secret (in the closet) things that you love eating but do not tell anyone about.
Worsies in a can
My one friend seems to have an obsession with anything in a can – from those long, thin gross worsies to Bully Beef on toast. Coming from a woman that only shops at Checkers or Pick 'n Pay if there's a bomb scare in Woolworths – it's pretty strange. I can just see her secretly slipping a can or four of worsies into her trolley when no one is looking.
My other friend, shyly looked down at her glass of wine and whispered, "I like those neon pink sausages you get in the café on the corner." We all started laughing because she's extremely food fussy and well, uhmm Jewish. And while I'm sure those sausages are very halaal, I am not so sure if they're so very kosher.
I also had a flatmate who was the queen of detox and healthy eating. I've seen her buy a box of veggies from Fruit & Veg City, Braun it to a grey-green baby pulp and live off it for a week. You know – to clean the system and such, but when PMS-ville hits, she would hit McDonalds for a Big Mac, faster than you can say, "Where are my carrot sticks?"
My Spookie Empire
I have a thing for Chinese noodles. Since I can't decipher the Chinese writing I usually have no idea if it's pork, beef, tofu or heaven forbid some Chinese delicacy like seahorses – but it's my ultimate lazy food. Packed with horrible MSG goodness.
One of my colleagues also has me hooked on Spookie chippies. You can only buy them from spaza shops, but at R2 for a big pack, they put Lays, Fritos, and Nik Naks to shame. I am secretly hatching a plan to sell them from my desk at R4 a pop. Simba will come knocking and world domination of Spookies will follow and I'll retire to a villa on the Amalfi coast with my Spookie fortune. A girl has to have her dreams.
See if you can top our Food24 reader contributions.
(Their names have been changed for their own protection.)
Marisa likes to eat her Fruits of the Forest yoghurt with Vienna sausages.
Carline thinks there is nothing better than a whole-wheat sandwich with peanut butter, fried egg, fig jam and Worcestershire sauce. (Yikes)
Graham loves peanut butter and sardines and peanut butter and marmite, in fact he likes anything with peanut butter.
Maryann's takes the cake for closet eating habits – sandwich with Bovril, polony, mayonnaise, cheese, peanut butter (crunchy) and a fried egg with fish paste. (Only for the brave of stomach!)
What do you eat in the closet?
Ilze Dreyer is the Deputy Editor of Food24 and will soon be launching her Spookie business.