E.L. James, the author of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ has launched her own wine label. The White Silk and Red Satin wines are made in California and both are easy-drinking blends designed for readers to enjoy whilst working their way through the steamy pages of the book. Well I say – who needs 50 Shades?! Here in SA we have lots of sexy wines available without needing to set up a new range. Snap on the handcuffs, crack the whips and try a few of these this weekend.
Stellar Slightly Sweet and Shameless NV
Mmm – very nearly went for the Really Ravishing Red or the Rather Revealing Rosé which are other wines in this range, but at the end of the day, sweet and shameless came out tops. Look it’s not a serious wine but if you like a touch of sugar, then this is fun, easy-drinking and could say all you want it to say when the lights are low.
Dark Lady of the Labyrinth 2011
“An air of mystery and excitement. An unknown beauty wafts into the sultry air of the master bedroom” – nope, it’s no good. I will definitely not be giving up my day job to write such (admittedly profitable) drivel. This is the perfect wine for role play – it’s actually a Pinotage but masquerades as a coffee with its whiffs of mocha, chocolate and dark cherry fruit. Unveil the Dark Lady today!!
Hermit on the Hill ‘White Knight’ 2011
Oh man, this is what I need! The whole ‘sweeping up on a white horse/galloping away’ thing has always pushed my buttons, but is clearly never going to happen in 21st century Wynberg. Still, I shall console myself with this white Bordeaux blend of mainly Sauvignon with a little Semillon, sit back, glass in hand and dream…..
Hillock Mile High Red NV
“You have to try this just once in your life” proclaims the label. If they’re talking about the wine, then no problems - it’s a cheery, hearty, no-nonsense blend of Pinotage, Shiraz, Cabernet and Merlot. And as for sex in airplane toilets – my motto is “I’ll try anything once except incest and folk dancing.” Will someone hand me that suspender belt?
Miss Molly ‘In My Bed’ 2010
Phwoar – sounds like hot-stuff doesn’t it? Except that Miss Molly is, er, a dog, so you might be sending out slightly mixed messages if you go for this in the bedroom, but hey – see the quote above! Just kidding (before all the animal rights people rush to protest) and the wine won’t disappoint either– a cracking value Cab/Merlot. Very toothsome.
Alvi’s Drift Naughty Girl Sparkling Rosé NV
Is this the name of the wine or an instruction I ask myself?! Either way, it’s a good wine for people looking for a little fun and games this weekend. It’s definitely not a serious player, but it’s the perfect partner for those pink fluffy furry handcuffs you’ve kept in the drawer all this time. Slip ‘em out, snap ‘em on and pop your corks.
Hildebrand ‘Sleepless Nights’ Semillon NLH 2007
So technically, this refers to nights lying awake in nervous agony waiting to see if the fermentation will actually complete. But I think it could also refer to lying awake for far more pleasant reasons – even if it were only to sip this sweet (but not too sweet) mouthful of citrus, grass and honey. Drink sweet, think sultry.